动作描写

吴翔

【问题导读】

高考英语读后续写中的描写主要包含外貌描写、动作描写、神态描写、心理描写等方面。高中英语新课标提出，学生要“能描述事件发生、发展的过程”，因此动作描写的重要性不言而喻。在续写中，动作描写不仅可以推动情节的发展，突显人物的性格，还与文章的主题息息相关。因此，在续写时，我们如何在掌握故事的基本要素和情节后，有逻辑地定位前文的动作链且内化动作描写的有关语言呢？我们又如何分析续写两段的首句信息，依据主人公的动作和反应提出问题并分析问题，在续写时推动情节发展，最终解决矛盾呢？这些都是学生在面对高考英语读后续写时急需解决的问题。

【名师导学】

1. 思考如何有逻辑地构建前文动作链语料库，思考是否有行之有效的思维导图帮助我们构建动作链语料库，并思考如何在随后的续写中将其加以运用。

2. 思考前文中的动作链是如何突显人物的性格、推动情节的发展以及深化文章的主题的。此外，思考在续写时如何体现这三点。

3. 思考续写文本中动作描写的丰富性、准确性以及与前文的连贯性。

【案例导引】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

One fall， my wife Elli and I had a single goal： to photograph polar bears. We werestaying at a research camp outside “the polar bear capital of the world”—the town ofChurchill in Manitoba， Canada.

Taking pictures of polar bears is amazing but also dangerous. Polar bears—like allwild animals—should be photographed from a safe distance. When I'm face to face with apolar bear， I like it to be through a camera with a telephoto lens. But sometimes， that iseasier said than done. This was one of those times.

As Elli and I cooked dinner， a young male polar bear who was playing in a nearby lakesniffed， and smelled our garlic bread.

The hungry bear followed his nose to our camp， which was surrounded by a high wirefence. He pulled and bit the wire. He stood on his back legs and pushed at the woodenfence posts.

Terrified， Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knew. We yelled at the bear，hit pots hard， and fired blank shotgun shells into the air. Sometimes loud noises like thesewill scare bears off. Not this polar bear though—he just kept trying to tear down the fencewith his massive paws （爪子）.

I radioed the camp manager for help. He told me a helicopter was on its way， but itwould be 30 minutes before it arrived. Making the best of this close encounter （相遇）， Itook some pictures of the bear.

Elli and I feared the fence wouldnt last through 30 more minutes of the bearspunishment. The camp manager suggested I use pepper spray. The spray burns the bearseyes， but doesnt hurt them. So I approached our uninvited guest slowly and， through thefence， sprayed him in the face. With an angry roar （吼叫）， the bear ran to the lake to washhis eyes.

注意：續写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

A few minutes later， the bear headed back to our camp._________________

Paragraph 2：

At that very moment， the helicopter arrived.____________________

文本解读

一、扇形图——梳理故事背景

“遇熊脱险”选自2020年7月浙江卷高考读后续写试题，该材料叙述了一对夫妻在营地露营时的一次脱险经历。全文由三部分组成：遇险前、遇险中、遇险后。前两段为第一部分，主要介绍了作者对“走近营地，拍摄北极熊”的期待与准备。第三段至第七段为第二部分，讲述了作者与熊相遇、与熊对峙、给熊拍照并最终用胡椒粉喷雾将熊短暂驱赶的惊险过程。需续写的两段为第三部分，在续写第一段中，被惹怒的熊重返营地，这对夫妻将如何应对？在续写第二段中，千钧一发之际，救援直升机到来，结局又将如何？以下扇形图能有效地帮助学生精准定位文本的五要素（4W1H），以迅速梳理故事背景。

二、故事山——厘清故事情节

故事山是一种帮助学生了解故事结构的工具。 故事山能让学生在阅读文本后厘清故事的人物、情節和事件，对文本有更清晰的了解。以下故事山能有效地帮助学生厘清已给文本的主要情节，预测续写文本的情节。

三、ARE 思维导图——定位动作链

ARE原则，即Action—Response—Emotion原则。在故事中，角色A的言行举止会引起角色B的系列反应，反之亦然，如此交替直至故事结尾。此外，不同角色的每次动作或反应也伴随着不同的情感变化。在梳理了故事背景和形成基本情节的推进思路后，以下的ARE思维导图能帮助学生内化语言，以动作链为主，以情感线为辅，从而内化语言，为续写做准备。

四、ARE 问题链——铺垫续写

在运用思维导图内化语言后，ARE原则下形成的问题链能帮助我们迅速了解主人公与熊的冲突，发现问题，分析问题，解决问题，并开始续写。在续写第一段中，故事的冲突是熊的行动和主人公的反应，学生在思考主人公如何应对熊的可能行动时，应充分体现出思维的逻辑性和创造性。在续写第二段中，学生根据首句继续运用ARE原则进行提问，构思结尾，深化主题。在续写时，学生可以利用以上的ARE思维导图中的关于人和熊对峙时的动作链，凸显人和熊对峙情境的危险和紧急，推动故事的发展。

1. ARE原则下续写第一段的问题链

Suggested questions：

Q1： Why did the bear come back？

Q2： How did the bear feel？

Q3： What would the bear do？

Q4： How would the couple respond separately？

Q5： What did“ that very moment” mean？

2. ARE原则下续写第二段的问题链

Suggested questions：

Q1： What might happen next？ What would the couple and the bear do separately？

Q2： How did the couple feel when they saw the helicopter？

Q3： Years later， when the couple looked at the photo， how would they feel？

参考范文

Paragraph 1：

A few minutes later， the bear headed back to our camp. Then we realized that the sprayhad only angered him even more， for he seemed much fiercer this time and violentlypushed the fence like mad. My heart raced wildly， not knowing what to do. At this criticalmoment， Elli grabbed several pieces of garlic bread and threw them over the fence. Itworked！ The bear stopped the attack and ran to the bread. But it wasn't long before he ateup all the bread and came back again.

Paragraph 2：

At that very moment， the helicopter arrived.“ Thank goodness！ We are saved！” Ellicried out. Once the helicopter landed， we got onto it in no time， excited and relieved. Whenwe were safe on the helicopter up in the air， I was amazed to spot that the bear had finallytorn down the fence and ran towards the food we left behind. I quickly took out the cameraand photographed the rare scene—we were robbed by a polar bear！

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

On a bright， warm July afternoon， Mac Hollan， a primary school teacher， was cyclingfrom his home to Alaska with his friends. One of his friends had stopped to make a bicyclerepair， but they had encouraged Mac to carry on， and they would catch up with him soon.As Mac pedaled （骑行） along alone， he thought fondly of his wife and two young daughtersat home. He hoped to show them this beautiful place someday.

Then Mac heard quick and loud breathing behind him.“ Man， thats a big dog！” hethought. But when he looked to the side， he saw instantly that it wasn't a dog at all， but awolf， quickly catching up with him.

Mac's heart jumped. He found out his can of bear spray. With one hand on the bars，he fired the spray at the wolf. A bright red cloud enveloped the animal， and to Macs relief，it fell back， shaking its head. But a minute later， it was by his side again. Then it attackedthe back of Mac's bike， tearing open his tent bag. He fired at the wolf a second time， and again， it fell back only to quickly restart the chase （追趕）.

Mac was pedaling hard now. He waved and yelled at passing cars but was careful notto slow down. He saw a steep uphill climb before him. He knew that once he hit the hill，he'd be easy to catch up and the wolf's teeth would be tearing into his flesh.

At this moment， Paul and Becky were driving their car on their way to Alaska. Theydidn't think much of it when they saw two cyclists repairing their bikes on the side of theroad. A bit later， they spotted what they， too， assumed was a dog running alongside a manon a bike. As they got closer， they realized that the dog was a wolf. Mac heard a largevehicle behind him. He pulled in front of it as the wolf was catching up fast， just a dozenyards away now.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

The car abruptly stopped in front of him.________________

Paragraph 2：

A few minutes later， the other two cyclists arrived._______________

【评价导思】

1. 在续写前，我是否能运用扇形图定位文章的要素以获取基本信息？我是否能运用故事山厘清故事情节？

2. 在续写时，我是否可以理解并运用ARE思维导图定位前文中的动作链并内化动作描写的语言？此外，我是否可以运用ARE原则分析续写两段的首句信息，提出问题，找到主人公之间的矛盾，并分析问题，最后在续写时解决矛盾？

3. 在续写后，我是否能将自己的作品与范文进行对比，在赏析范文中的动作描写后不断润色自己的续写，提高续写中的动作描写的丰富性、准确性以及与前文的连贯性？