巧用曲折性原则写好个人成长类读后续写

李奕群

【问题导读】

读后续写中的故事续写除了要求学生掌握丰富的词汇和句式外，还要求学生具备内容构思和情节衔接的能力。在写作中，我们发现很多同学续写的内容平淡，缺乏吸引力，不能抓住读者的眼球。这是因为他们在内容构思上出了问题，整个故事的情节构思没有冲突和高潮，即没有遵守曲折性原则。

【名师导学】

凡是故事都应有起伏或矛盾冲突，其中的人物会遇到不同类型的困难，这些困难往往最终能得到解决。但情节设计不能过于复杂或离奇，否则读者（阅卷老师）不能快速读懂你想表达的内容。而且往往文章中出现的矛盾是负面的，如何在接下来的续写中将“负”转为“正”就非常重要，有时候转“正”之后，同学们需要自己再次挖掘隐含内容，再转“负”，最后再转“正”。这就是同学们在进行读后续写写作时应该遵守的曲折性原则。高考中的读后续写多倾向于弘扬真善美，宣扬正能量，因此这种“负”转“正”的构思可以广泛运用于个人成长类的读后续写中。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

I could feel the excitement rising in me as I held the beautifully wrapped present inmy hands. I felt the string of the package soft and then， unable to contain my curiosity anylonger， I tore it open. It was a bright， brand new laptop. I had scored straight A's as for myO level examination and this was my reward. I had always envied my friends who wereexchanging news about“ chat rooms”，“ instant messaging” and“ e?mailing”， all of which I knew nothing about. Now I was going to find out.

It started out simply enough. I was searching for some information online when I cameacross a social networking site. Soon I became addicted to my new?found electronic friend.I began to spend more and more time on the Internet. I had never imagined that the daywould come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me. WheneverI was not glued to these social networking sites， I would be going through gossip orfashion websites.

As time passed， I realized that I was addicted to the Internet. During weekends， whenI had more time on my hands， I could easily spend a few hours on my laptop. It came to apoint where I chose to lock myself in my room， refusing to come out and take part in familydiscussions. I preferred to stay connected to the friends on the Internet， although I hadnever met them. Soon I was spending the whole hours of the morning surfing the Internet.Sleep was reduced to small naps and my grades at school also began getting from bad toworse.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

It was about this time that my parents noticed my change.______________

Paragraph 2：

Then one day， my father took away my laptop.____________________

一、故事梳理

这篇文章以第一人称视角讲述了作者因沉迷于网络而荒废学业的故事。作者考试成绩获得全优，父母给他买了一台全新的笔记本电脑作为奖励。渐渐地，作者开始沉迷于网络，不再与父母交流，学习成绩也一落千丈。我们可以用“5W原则”来分析文章结构和内容：

二、语言分析

通过观察，我们发现原文对成长前的苦恼进行了大篇幅的描写，即对负面情绪有很多描写。比如：

1. I began to spend more and more time on the Internet.（ Para. 2）

我开始花越来越多的时间在网络上。

2. I had never imagined that the day would come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me.（ Para. 2）

我从来没有想过，有一天我会完全被我面前发光的屏幕所控制。

3. As time passed， I realized that I was addicted to the Internet.（ Para. 3）

随着时间的推移，我意识到我迷上了互联网。

4. It came to a point where I chose to lock myself in my room， refusing to come out and take part in family discussions.（ Para. 3）

后来，我选择把自己锁在房间里，拒绝出来参加家庭讨论。

三、常用招式

成长类故事构造“三步曲”：

第一步——成长前（负面情绪）

●孤独

I never made friends easily， and for a time I did little more than get on speaking termswith some boys. 我从来不轻易交朋友，有一段时间，我除了和一些男孩谈笑风生之外，几乎没有做什么。

●伤心

1. I found nothing in my pocket， a fact that seemed like a spear piercing into my heartwhich started to bleed immediately. 我在口袋里什么也没发现，这个事实就像一把长矛刺进我的心脏，我的心脏立刻开始流血。

2. Looking around anxiously， I almost burst into crying. 看了看周围，我焦急地几乎哭了起来。

●惭愧

1. She was overwhelmed/overcome/consumed with guilt and shame. 她充满了内疚和羞愧。

2. A wave of guilt swept over me and I had to admit the fact that I had gone to themovies and that was the real reason why I was late. 一股罪恶感席卷了我，我不得不承认我去看电影了，这就是我迟到的真正原因。

●嘲笑

They laughed loudly with screaming words like“ What a finest broken watch！”. 他们大声地笑着，尖叫着说类似“多漂亮的破表啊！”的话语。

●绝望

“My mother wouldn't let me bring it，” I lied， desperation boiling inside me.“ 我妈妈不让我带。”我撒谎道，绝望在我心中沸腾。

●紧张

1. Meanwhile， Karie sat restlessly in her seat with her fingers crossed. 与此同时，卡里不安地坐在座位上，手指交叉着。

2. She told the teacher the truth， with her heart thumping/pounding/pumping like a drum. 她把真相告诉了老师，心怦怦直跳。

3. Having paced up and down restlessly in front of the teacher's office， she finally gathered courage and plodded in. 她在老師办公室前不安地踱来踱去，终于鼓起勇气，迈着沉重的步伐地走了进去。

●害怕

I unknowingly avoided interacting with anyone because I was afraid they'd laugh atme in my face. 我不自觉地避免与任何人交流，因为我怕他们当面嘲笑我。

第二步——成长中（蜕变与塑造）

●惊讶

Raising her eyebrows in surprise， Mrs Rossi froze， as if rooted on the ground. 罗西夫人惊讶地扬起眉毛，愣住了，仿佛在地上扎了根。

●希望

Jayce looked up to him， his eyes sparkling with hope and determination. 杰斯抬起头看着他，眼睛里闪烁着希望和决心。

●教育与成长

1.“ That's not the right way. Patience， Will. Patience，” a voice echoed in my ears afterthe boys left.“ 那不是正确的方式。耐心点，威尔，耐心点。”男孩们离开后，一个声音在我耳边回响。

2.“ What was done was done，” I thought to myself.“ What is important now is to docorrect things next.”“ 过去的事过去了。”我心里想，“现在重要的是下一步做正确的事情。”

3. Though anger， embarrassment and sadness hung heavily in the air， the voice drewme to the awareness of the mistakes I had made when I attempted to impress the boys. 虽然愤怒、尴尬和悲伤沉重地弥漫在空气中，但这个声音让我意识到我在试图让那些男孩留下深刻印象时犯下的错误。

第三步——成长后（正面情绪+升华）

●喜悦

1. Karie grinned as she read the label on the box. 卡里一边看盒子上的标签，一边咧嘴一笑。

2. Hearing that， Karie grinned from ear to ear， a wave of happiness flooding over her.听到这话，卡里笑得合不拢嘴，一股幸福的浪潮涌上她的心头。

●感激

I looked at her， tears of love and gratitude welling up in my eyes. 我看着她，爱与感激的泪水夺眶而出。

●升华

1. I knew for sure that every time I lost patience in the future I would remember mygrandfather's words. 我确信，将来每当我失去耐心时，我都会想起祖父的话。

2. It was the first time that I had truly realized the meaning of the gift—patience. 这是我第一次真正体会到这份礼物的意义——耐心。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1：

It was about this time that my parents noticed my change. They voiced their disap?proval. It became obvious to them that I was spending too much time on the Internet. I wasasked to slow down my usage of the Internet. Yet， however hard I tried， I was unable topull myself away， unable to end my chat sessions， and unable to concentrate on mylessons. I was desperate for just another click， just another look at my e?mail or mes?sage board.（ 成长前：负面情绪）

Paragraph 2：

Then one day， my father took away my laptop. I cried and objected but in vain. Dadhad made up his mind. But over time， I realized that Dad and Mum had alwayswanted the best for me.（ 成长中：蜕变与塑造） That was when I decided to take the bigstep—to conquer my Internet addiction. Quitting was harder than I had expected. But withdogged determination， I knew that I would be able to do it. It was never too late tochange. （成长后：正面情绪+升华）

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之構成一个完整的故事。

Ring a bell

Ms Tracy looked up from her yellow notebook and cleared her throat. The noise in theclass died down as we turned towards her.“ We're going to help a charity to collect moneyby ringing a bell. Each of you will ring it for four hours，” she announced. As the words lefther lips， complaints could be heard around the room. Unwillingly， I dug for my planner andlooked for notes. I could use the four hours of ringing a stupid bell to study for the SAT.Was this supposed to be a joke？ I joined the students around the table and signed up forthe first day of break—to get it over with.

A few weeks later， I was standing next to the big blue?and?white Walmart. There wasanother guy holding a jar across from me. Great， I was going to be stuck here ringing a bellwith a guy who was trying to get donations for another charity. To top it off， it was onlyabout 4.4 ℃.

Slowly， I put on the red dress bearing the symbol of charity. I hoped that I had alreadyspent two minutes doing that. Ring！ Ring！ A group of older women came up with theirwalking sticks to drop in some change. А man came by and put some coins in. I checkedmy phone. Just 10 minutes had passed.

A strong bitterly?cold wind blew against my freezing face. I was starting to regretignoring my moms advice to wear a scarf. I looked up， wishing that time would pass morequickly. A few birds swept around the poles. The sky was gently blue. Palm trees waved inthe cold wind. How comfortable it might be to curl （蜷缩） up with a hot cup of tea and abook on the cozy sofa！ Then another ring brought me back to reality.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1：

From the parking lot stepped out a poorly?dressed man， walking with difficulty towards me.

Paragraph 2：

Inspired by his generosity， I continued to ring my bell happily.

【评价导思】

1. 这篇文章是否属于个人成长类读后续写？

2. 文章中设置了哪些冲突？有哪些成长前的负面情绪的描写？

3. 我可以怎样运用曲折性原则和成长类故事“三步曲”进行续写？