掌掴脸蛋——新的美容招术？

Nick Watt: That is Tata, a pioneer in our universal and vain search for beauty. She takes a face and she slaps it.

Tata: Dont give a care if you want to be beautiful, and handsome.

Nick: Recently trained in Thailand, Tata claims shes now the first face-slapping practitioner in the Western 1)hemisphere.

Mawin: Hi.

Nick: How are you? So yi kah.

Mawin: How are you? So yi kah.

Nick: Thats Tatas fellow with the business brain, the big desk and the 2)hutzpah to charge 350 bucks for each 15 minute session.

Mawin: Were gonna do our best to, you know, make you look more handsome.

Nick: Tata claims she can mold me into a 3)matinée idol. Can you make me look like Ryan Gosling?

Tata: Uhm…

Mawin: Look like Ryan Gosling.

Nick: Is that a “no”? Cue the Thai synth-pop. And pretty soon theyre claiming results.

尼克·瓦特：这是塔塔，在追求美这场全民动员又徒劳无功的大潮中，她是先锋。逮到一张脸，然后就给一巴掌。

塔塔：如果你想要变得漂亮和英俊，那就别在意。

尼克：塔塔最近在泰国接受培训，现在声称自己是西半球“拍脸”第一人。

马文：你好。

尼克：你好！你好（泰语）！

马文：你好！你好（泰语）！

尼克：这一位是塔塔的同事，他有商业头脑，大号办公桌，还有敢每十五分钟就收取350美元的胆量。

马文：我们会尽力的，你知道，让你看上去更英俊。

尼克：塔塔说她能把我打造成大众情人。你能让我看上去像瑞恩·高斯林吗？

塔塔：这就……

马文：看上去像瑞恩·高斯林。

尼克：就是“不能”的意思吗？先插播一段泰国电子音乐，等一会儿就会有结果了。

Mawin: You see a jaw line right here? On this side you dont see a jaw line.

Nick: Then it was Jenna, our producers turn. Would you describe this as pleasurable, Jenna?

Jenna: Nn-n-n-n-n.

Nick: So were Jane and 4)J.Lo actually making each other more gorgeous in Monster-in-Law?

(Voices in Monster-in-Law): (slap) Ahhh! (slap) Daah! (slap) Aah, this is crazy!

Nick: Of course there is no medical evidence this really works, although doctors concede it might improve 5)circulation and bring on a healthy flush. Tata claims its, quote, “ancient Thai wisdom.” You can say anythings with ancient Thai wisdom, and everyonell think its great…

Mawin: Yes.

Nick: (whisper)…when actually its a load of rubbish. No?

Mawin: This is definitely not rubbish. This is very serious.

Nick: In Thailand, for years, theyve been slapping faces and chests, uhm, to enlarge, and something else that roughly translates as “butt punching.”

Mawin: Its to firm the butt. Its to help shape the butt, make it bigger as well.

Nick: By punching it.

Mawin: Correct.

Nick: Transforming a whiskey-soaked correspondent into the gorgeous Gosling? Impossible! Did you see The Notebook? Maybe this is Goslings secret.

(Voices in The Notebook): Ow!

马文：你看到这儿的下颚线了吗？另一边你就看不到下颚线。

尼克：然后，就轮到我们的制作人珍娜出场了。你会把这段体验视为愉快的吗，珍娜？

珍娜：呃呃呃呃……

尼克：那么，在电影《怪兽婆婆》里，简和J.Lo是在让对方变得更漂亮？

（《怪兽婆婆》的声音）：（拍打声）啊！（拍打声）啊！（拍打声）啊，疯了！

尼克：当然，没有医学证明这样做会奏效，尽管医生承认这样做能够加速面部的血液循环，让人红光满面。塔塔说，她的原话是“古老泰国的智慧”。你可以把任何一个做法看作是古老泰国智慧，而每个人就会觉得这非常棒……

马文：没错。

尼克：（小声地）……事实上只是一堆废话。对吗？

马文：这当然不是废话。这是非常严肃的事情。

尼克：在泰国，许多年来，人们都一直拍打脸和胸部，嗯，来丰胸，还有其他一些别的手法，大体上说，就是“打屁股”。

马文：为了让臀部紧实。有助于为臀部塑形，同时也让臀部更大。

尼克：通过用拳头打。

马文：没错。

尼克：把一个灰头土脸的记者打造成帅气逼人的高斯林？不可能！你看过电影《恋恋笔记本》吗？或许那就是高斯林的秘密。

（《恋恋笔记本》的声音）：哎呦！