Ｇｌｏｂａｌ　Ｓｈｏｒｔａｇｅ　ｏｆ　Ｆｒｅｓｈ　Ｗａｔｅｒ

阅读下表，以Global Shortage of Fresh Water为题写一篇短文。

词数：100—120

学生习作：

Global Shortage of Fresh Water

Fresh water seems in① everywhere, in rivers, lakes, wells as well as rain, which make② some people think that we cant use up water.

In fact, global shortage of fresh water is getting more and more serious with the development of industry and the raising③ population. We are using much more water than what our earth can provide. Just imagining④ the pictures of the waste lands around the world and the poor children in African deserts who need water bad⑤. Whats worse, much water has already been polluted, making it unfit to drink.

Therefore, we should pay attention to this. To protect our valuable water resource⑥, we should value every drop of water. To save our lives, to save water!

名师点评：①everywhere为副词，前面不可加介词修饰，因此应去掉in。②which代表主句内容，应视为单数，所以make应改为makes。③此处表示“正在上升的”，而不表示“正在提高”，因此raising应改为rising。④该句为祈使句，因此imagining应改为imagine。⑤need为行为动词，应用副词修饰，所以bad应改为badly。⑥resource为可数名词，而地球的水源较多，因此resource应改为resources。

点评：作者根据写作要求从人们的观点、实际情况和我们该怎么办三个角度表达文意，文章条理清晰，脉络分明，层次感较强。In fact, Whats worse, Therefore等过渡性词汇的准确贴切使用既增强了语句间的连贯性和逻辑性，又增强了观点的感染性和说服力。Just, already等情感性副词的使用使文章情感浓烈，真挚感人。which引导的定语从句、that引导的宾语从句、what引导的宾语从句、who引导的定语从句等高级表达方式的运用增强了文章的表达效果，提高了文章的表达档次。此外还有不少句子结构对称和谐、丰满匀称，充满美感。所有这些成为本文一道道亮丽的风景。然而本文也存在不足之处，出现了一些语言表达方面的错误，如介词错误、主谓语一致错误、易混动词选择错误、非谓语动词错误、形容词副词混用错误、名词单复数错误，表明作者语言表达能力还不够成熟，有待于今后进一步提高。然而从总体上讲本文不失为一篇成功之作，值得广大读者模仿。

参考答案：

Global Shortage of Fresh Water

Fresh water seems everywhere, in rivers, lakes, wells as well as rain, which makes some people think that we cant use up water.

In fact, global shortage of fresh water is getting more and more serious with the development of industry and the rising population. We are using much more water than what our earth can provide. Just imagine the pictures of the waste lands around the world and the poor children in African deserts who need water badly. Whats worse, much water has already been polluted, making it unfit to drink.

Therefore, we should pay attention to this. To protect our valuable water resources, we should value every drop of water. To save our lives, to save water!