书信类作文例析

蔡莲香

假如你叫李华，是一名高中生。你打算暑假去英国旅游。请根据下面的要点提示，给你的英国笔友Lily写一封信向她咨询去英国旅游的情况。

内容包括：1. 哪些地方值得参观；2. 能否去机场接机；3. 其他注意事项。

注意：1. 词数100左右；2. 信的开头和结尾已给出，不计入总词数；3. 可适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。

Dear Lily，

I am so excited to tell you that I plan to travel to Britain this summer.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours，

Li Hua

[审题]

这是一篇应用文，要求以邮件的形式向笔友咨询去英国旅游的情况。写作中大家应该注意：

1. 有三个内容要点，前两个必须如实表述，不能改变内容，第三个要点的内容可以自由发挥。

2. 不要生硬地逐条翻译要点，而要适当地使用过渡词使文章内容条理清晰，结构严谨。还要适当运用高级句式和词汇，为文章增色。

3. 第一段要开门见山地说明写信的意图。注意语言要得体和礼貌。

4. 词数100左右，不宜太多或太少。

[习作一]

Dear Lily，

I am so excited to tell you that I plan to travel to Britain this summer. Because its the first time for me to go there， turn to you for some advice is very necessary.

Only in this way can I have fun in your country. Could you help me？ First， as we know， there are many places of interests in Britain. Could you tell me which places in Britain are well worth visiting？ Second， I will go to your country by plane， but I dont know what to do or where to go when I get there. So could you spare some time to come to the airport to meet me when I arrive？ Finally， I know there are many rules in the UK， I hope that you can tell me as many as possible. For example， if I go out with you to have a dinner， what should I wear？ If you can inform me of these things， I will be grateful very much.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours，

Li Hua

點评 这是一篇中档习作。其优点是：

1. 要点齐全，语言较为流畅。在行文中，用first， second和 finally逐一提出建议，文章显得有条理。

2. 正确使用了一些高级词汇和短语。如turn to sb. for help， have fun， places of interest， be well worth visiting， inform sb. of sth.。

3. 尝试运用了一些高级句式。如：

Only in this way can I have fun in your country.（倒装句）

... as we know， there ... （定语从句）

Could you tell me which places in Britain are well worth visiting？ （宾语从句）

If you can inform me of these things， I will be grateful very much. （条件状语从句）

不足之处有：

1. 词语表达错误和用词不够准确。如places of interests应该改为places of interest，rules应改为customs，have a dinner应该改为have dinner。

2. 句法错误。如turn to you for some advice is very necessary应改为it is very necessary to turn to you for some advice。

3. 重复使用一些句式。如： Could you help me？ So can you spare some time ...？可以尝试使用不同的句式，如把其中一个句式改为I wonder whether you can ...，这样语言更加灵活、丰富。

[习作二]

Dear Lily，

I am so excited to tell you that I plan to travel to Britain this summer. However， there is still something I am not quite clear about. Therefore， I am writing to ask you for some advice.

The things that I want to make clear are as follows. To begin with， as an excellent tourist destination appealing to people around the world， there is no doubt that this travel will be a great chance for me to experience British culture and broaden my horizons. As a result， I would like to know what places are well worth visiting. In addition， since this will be the first time for me to travel abroad， would you be kind enough to pick me up at the airport？ More importantly， I wonder what else I should pay attention to in order to make my stay in Britain more enjoyable. I would appreciate it very much if you could solve my puzzles above.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours，

Li Hua

點评 这是一篇高档习作。其优点是：

1. 要点齐全，语言得体，行文流畅，表意连贯。如：I would like to know ...， would you be kind enough to ...？ I wonder what else I should ...， 这些句式礼貌地表达了作者的请求。行文中连接词however，therefore，to begin with，in addition，more importantly的使用使得文章条理分明。

2. 运用了比较丰富的高级词汇和短语。如：therefore，as follows，to begin with，tourist destination，appeal to，broaden my horizons，as a result，in addition，in order to，enjoyable，appreciate，solve my puzzles。

3. 运用了多样化的高级句式。如：

... there is still something I am not quite clear about. （定语从句）

The things that I want to make clear are as follows. （定语从句）

... as an excellent tourist destination appealing to people ... （分词作后置定语）

... there is no doubt that this travel will be a good chance ... （同位语从句）

I would like to know what places are well worth visiting. （宾语从句）

... since this will be the first time for me to travel abroad ... （状语从句）

... in order to make my stay in Britain more enjoyable. （不定式作目的状语）

I would appreciate it very much if you could solve my puzzles above. （虚拟语气）